Daily Archives: July 27, 2011

Brain Dump

Spoke to Dad on the phone earlier.  He filled me in on the situation with my sis, D.  Despite having been discharged from hospital into the care of my parents, she is still far from well.  Dad told me this evening that D was still suffering from sickness when they allowed her out – she is diabetic for goodness sake!!!  Whilst my sister has ‘form’ for hiding how unwell she is in order to be discharged, I find it incomprehensible that a woman who was so weak she needed a wheelchair to leave hospital could be allowed home.  Well, not home exactly, but to the house of my mother (pensioner who has not been the same since her stroke) and father (pensioner with caring responsibility for his wife, and own share of health problems).  C’mon!  In what universe is that anywhere near logical?!?

(Pause for breath…)

Okay, here is a potted run-down of my concerns for my family.

D (sis) – type 1 diabetic since age 11, now has sight problems, digestive issues, kidney problems, mobility issues (due to being as weak ‘as a rasher of wind’ – to quote Dad).  No-one to rely on to care for her except my parents, thus –

Mum – had stroke over 5 years ago, still has short term memory problems and slight speech issues.  Many practical tasks are harder than they used to be, she tires easily and gets frustrated quickly.  She and D used to have a good, mutually supportive relationship, this has suffered due to their respective deterioration in health.

Dad – see above!!!  D and Mum are both pretty much dependent on Dad for many things, and he is only one person.  Being only human himself, this wears him out and I think he feels very alone in all this.

I live quite a distance away can only really support with words on the phone, texts and the odd card.  I would go home tomorrow, if I thought it would help, but I do not think there is much I can do.  As Dad said, he is there, and there is not much he feels HE can do!  Not only that, but I start my new job next week so that fills much of my focus at the moment, as does the fact that I am trying to negotiate the next step for the allotment project and look into furthering my counselling training.  It may sound odd, but I do feel a little guilty/selfish that I am able to get on with my life when others that are dear to me are struggling so badly.

I really do covet your prayers of support for my family.  None of them have any faith in God, that I know of anyway, and I cannot begin to comprehend how hellish things must be.  As for me, I have this odd kind of calm.  Sometimes, when I think about it, the knowledge overwhelms me and I cry or, alternatively, get very angry indeed.  Not sure of the relative merits of those reactions, but there they are.

Could also do with a Christian fellowship nearby that I can entrust all these concerns to.  Despite having been in our present home approx 5 years now, I still feel a little rootless in terms of my Christian family.  I realise how privileged I was in Swansea, and I honestly do not think I will see support like that again – perhaps cos I will never need support like that again (God willing).  That said, a sense of belonging would be good – whether that means that I need to get properly rooted where I am, or find another place of worship, or…?  Dunno really, just know that there are some big holes in the place where good, mutually supportive Christian friends should be.

Phew.  Brain dump over now.  Think it may be time for bed.  Praise God for a lovely hubby, a fab family by marriage and kitties who purrrrrrrr!