Wiblog Therapy

Some final thoughts

Having become constrained by the format of this Wiblog Therapy, I have decided to draw this thread to a close.  A recent post by Lanark, plus a conversation at work today,  prompted the following train of thought.  The idea expressed appears fundamental to classic ‘depressive thinking’.

I think there are many of us who wish to earn credit in life.  This is not, in and of itself, a bad thing – we all like to achieve things on our own merits.  There is a flip side to this, however in that it can leave no room for failure and thus no opportunity for the gift of grace.  The grace that comes with overlooking a ‘fault’ or a ‘failing’ that a good friend will do.  Forgiveness, I suppose.
I know, on some levels, that those who love me (God, family, friends etc)  will forgive me on the whole.  Because they value me, I am blessed by people who will overlook stuff that I find difficult to accept in myself   However, if I’m honest, I do not want it to be about being forgiven and accepted ‘despite’ my faults. I actually do not want to have to be forgiven! Deep down in the dark of my humanity, I actually want to never make a mistake.  Never want to know failure, disappointment in myself, the sense I have let another down.  In short, I want to be perfect!
Can anyone see the problem here?  In some perverse way, it is a form of pride.  The pride that says ‘I will only accept your high opinion of me when I have proved to myself and you that I am worth it in my own eyes!‘  No, get over yourself, Dith!  Accept that you are not perfect, never will be this side of eternity and allow others to think well of you if they choose.  Somewhere along the line, I may actually learn to extend much needed grace to myself – and finally stop trying so flipping hard to get it right!  (Whatever that means!)
At the end of the day, the real forgiveness needed is forgiveness of myself.  The acceptance of my own humanity, frailty and brokenness.  In getting there, I guess I can reach a stage where the love and forgiveness of others actually penetrates my thick skin of low self-esteem and I start to relax.  I’m getting there, WibFolk, but it is a loooooong journey! 🙂

4 thoughts on “Wiblog Therapy

  1. I think that is the most sense I have ever read on this site. You may be further along the journey than you recognise.

  2. it *is* a long journey, and I so appreciate your post. I think in many ways we’re all dealing with grace, forgiveness, and acceptance of our own faults to varying degrees…it certainly resonated with me. Whatever you decide to do with the ‘wiblog therapy’ thread, this is a safe place to express yourself, and it’s always a joy to hear from you. Would you consider stopping by more frequently, even if you say there’s nothing to say? Maybe that would provide the middle-ground to be you, imperfections and all, to be where you are whenever you are there… and, well, give us a chance to say hi and give you a hug (((((Dith)))))
    Imperfections help define our character – you are a lovely friend & a beautiful woman, Dith

  3. ((Dith))

    You’ve challenged me as this is my thinking; that pride is a real pain that crops up in the most disguised ways.

    My prayers and love as the journey continues; and my heartfelt thanks for you allowing us to share the struggles and joys of the journey with you. God bless.

  4. I love the way burntsienna can write something that triggers off some thoughts that then inspire me to write something (whose connection with sienna’s post is probably invisible), and that that in turns triggers some thoughts for you that lead to another post. And no doubt the chain is quite a bit longer than this. Anyway, it all seems very healthy and helpful.

    The first third of what you say is very familiar; I feel like that, and I have spotted that pattern of thought in my own head. The next chunk is an analysis of that, which rings entirely true, but wasn’t something I’d discerned myself. So you’ve brought me on a little in my understanding of my own condition. The next third I still can’t quite understand, which is great, because it shows me where I need to be headed next. In short, thank you for very accurately plotting my course, not only where I’ve been, but also where I am, and where I’m heading to. I will keep re-reading this until I’ve fully got my head round it, and then, hopefully, I will be in a better place.

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