Monthly Archives: August 2007

Bra(i)niac Attack

AIM
To pour milk onto breakfast cereal (Kelloggs All Bran).

METHOD
1) Unscrew lid from plastic milk bottle and pour milk into black tea.
2) Lightly rest lid upon top of milk bottle.
3) Pour All Bran into breakfast bowl.
4) Shake milk bottle, inverting said container in the process.

RESULTS
The lack of lid upon the milk bottle resulted in the distribution of half of the contents upon the work surface and items in the surrounding area. These items were as follows:
1) Toaster
2) Kettle
3) Radio
4) Tea, coffee and hot chocolate ‘makings’ – various
5) Squash bottles – various
6) Cereal boxes, containing cereals, – various

CONCLUSION
It is inadvisable to invert a milk bottle unless the following conditions apply:
1) The area beneath the milk bottle is the desired destination for the milk.
2) The lid is firmly attached.
3) The bottle is empty.

FURTHER CONCLUSIONS
The time taken for a spillage to be cleared up is:-

1) directly proportional to:
a) the likely severity of the stench were any of the liquid to be left behind.
b) the amount of items upon which the spillage occurred.

2) inversely proportional to:
a) the time it took to spill the liquid in the first place.
b) the time remaining before you need to be at work.

I can do science, me.

The Sword of Damocles…

…has evaporated!

Yes indeedy, I have just heard that my job contract has been renewed – permanently!

Woooo-hoooo!

The situation before this was that it was short-term, until the end of Sept, to be reveiwed in light of available funding. In my field of work, a permanent contract is little short of a miracle, due to the whole nature of how these things are financed. The role will remain the same, with the most excellent team we have, and I get the feeling that development of my abilities and a possibilty of more hours per week (again, funding dependent) are certainly options.

Am I happy?

Nah.

I am flippin’ overjoyed!!!

Bouncebouncebounce…

A Question of Prosperity

I have been reading a book which appears to me to be pretty sound, on the whole. However, the author has said something along the lines of ‘I obey God, I walk in His ways and thus he has given me a wonderful life. Therefore, all you have to do to be greatly blessed, both here and in eternity, is to read the Word and do as it says." It was not that simplistic, admittedly, but that did appear to be the bottom line. Perhaps I am a little cynical and faithless, but I do not see that God is necessarily going to shower me with blessings and keep me from all harm due to my attempts at obedience.

Consequently, I have a deep and meaningful question for you. If the teaching of the ‘Prosperity Gospel’ is fundamentally flawed (which I, personally, think it is) how should one interpret verses such as Psalm 1 vv 1-3?

1 Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.
2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

I suppose the underlying question is really ‘What is prosperity when viewed in a biblical context?’

Just a simple query for you all…

Did you know…

…that a stick insect can shed its skin?

I didn’t. Until I saw Sticky’s (or it could have been Wicket’s) old skin hanging from one of the leaves today.

They go back home tomorrow. Stick insects are the most stupendously pointless pets, and for that reason I have decided they are cool. Do not think I will be getting any of my own, though, it is very hard to tell whether they have (a) escaped or (b) died. My frequent attempts to ascertain that neither of the above had happened on my watch were bordering on the obsessive…

…as T&E will attest!

Disgusted fromTunbridge Wells

Jeremy Vine did a slot about the extinction of the Yangtze River Dolphin today on his Radio 2 show. I have been known to splutter with unbelief at the things some people say and even to turn the radio off, but this is the only time I have felt the need to contact the show. Read on to see why…

"Subject: River Dolphin

Firstly, I was a little disappointed that this story was at the end of the show so that I was unable to e-mail this comment in time. It is the first time I have ever felt strongly enough about something to actually get in touch.

I have issue with the comment of your expert about being ‘more grown-up’ about the issue of extinction. If by being grown-up he means that we should be detatched, cynical and complacent, then I think I will stay with my childlike apprecation of the world.

Also, with regard to his comment about man being the only species to protect other species, that is true enough. However, we have also been the only species capable of doing so, and also the only ones capable of wholesale destruction of other species through our own selfish negligence. That surely confers more of a resposibility on us rather than less.

Well done for your choice of experts on this one, by the way. If the intention was to provoke a response then it certainly worked with me. Perhaps next time you could ensure that there is enough time left on the programme for a full debate. I would have been interested to see if any of your listeners agreed with this man. Then again, perhaps my blood pressure would not have stood the strain!

Keep up the good work.

Judith Parry (BSc Zoology)"

Yes, I did put the letters after the name bit on purpose! Sadly, due to online yukkery, I think this e-mail did not actually arrive. This is no bad thing really as it means that I was prompted to post it here. I just had to say something, somewhere. The inference that an emotional response to the degradation of our planet was somehow naive and even contemptible just made my blood boil.

Grrrrrrrrrr!!!

Our Mighty Hunters

The least mighty in terms of hunting is Sherpa, he simply contents himself with climbing as high as is possible and playing hard to get when we need the cats in for the night. He also thinks one of my nice new planters makes an excellent place to sit, if not s*it. Love him tho, he’s my kitt.

The original bearer of the title, Che, proudly brings us leaves. He has been known to trot in and mew for our attention whilst still carrying his ‘prey’ in his mouth. He surpassed himself the other day, by proffering the offering of a portion of black bin bag. For those who would like an update on his health, he has a bit of a limp (esp in the wet weather) but is managing to leap up on the high windowsill, which he was the first of our kitts to conquer pre-accident. Brave boy!

Lemur, our she-kitt, is our true Mighty Hunter. She started with small, buzzy things (flies, bees, wasps and the like), managed one grasshopper and has progressed recently to butterflies 🙁 A few weeks ago, I was sad to discover her batting about a small, dead bird, but on Thursday I’m sure she surpassed herself. Whilst tending my roses, I noticed something on the ground. It was certainly avian in origin and looked like part of a sizeable bird. I’m guessing it had been part consumed and then dropped on our front patio by the Mighty Huntress. I’m sure, given her record to date, only Lemur would have managed to hunt down and capture a barbecued chicken leg! Clever girl!