Monthly Archives: May 2006

Wrong Way Corrigan

Let me tell you of a man who decided to fly a light aircraft from the east coast of the USA (New York, I think) to the west (Seattle, I believe). He took off and flew a very long way. The next time he took his bearings, the hapless aviator found that he was flying above Ireland. The man, who’s name was Corrigan, thus earned the name in the title of this post.

I simply tell you this anecdote to put the next tale in perspective.

Had an interview yesterday (don’t think I got the job tho’, not bothered) and, to save the hassle of finding a parking space near the office, took the train. Travelled from Newport to Cardiff and successfully attended interview (omitting to mention risk-assessments in my responses, which probably cost me any chance of getting the job – it would have been with ex-offenders after all! D’oh!). Made my way back to station, after detour for a coffee and a trip to Lush. Checked the departures board and saw that a suitable train would be along very soon. Went swiftly to the platform and leapt on it as it arrived.

Off the train merrily went. I gazed out of the window, and they announced that the buffet car was open. I thought this strange, cos the train would terminate at my destination which was only about 15 mins travel away. Or so I thought.

Carried on in blissful meditative train travel mode until a train of thought(!) caused me to realise something. This, in turn, caused me to clap my hand over my mouth in horror and slight amusement. The amusement took greater hold and I decided to share the joy. So I called Only Husband.

"Hi, love."

"Hello."

"Umm. I will be a little late home tonight…"

"Why’s that?"

"Well, I’m on the train. But, I must have been on default setting. I’m going the wrong way!!!"

(Much laughter)

"You’re heading for Swansea?"

(Note to readers: until 9 months ago, that is where I lived – travelling regularly to & from it by train)

"YES!"

Much laughter and the phone call ends.

The situation was finally resolved by turning around at Bridgend (no ticket collecter arrived, thankfully!) and journeying back on the next train going in the RIGHT direciton. Eventually got home around one hour later than intended.

I changed this blog title from ‘Daftness’ to ‘Dilemmas’ recently (as it became a little sombre for a while). I think it may be time to change it back. What do you guys think?!?

N.B. To those of you who received a text from me whilst on the train, I hope you enjoyed the joke. Wanted to spread the humour as far and fast as possible. Hope more people got a grin from reading this entry too.

Advantages of Marriedness: No. 122b

Dealing with irritating doorstep arm-tiwsters:

Goon and Goonette knock on front door. Suspiciously I open it, a little phased at first by what looks like a couple of plain clothes coppers. Worse fate awaits, however, as follows:-

Goonette: Hi, were from Talk Talk. Are you with BT or ntl?

Me: Sorry, I don’t deal with that, my husband does. He is not here at the moment.

Goonette: Best way*. Okay, we’ll come back another time.

Me: Okay. Bye.

Goon** and Goonette: Bye.

I then close door with a ridiculously smug feeling. Mwah hah hah. Sometimes it helps to present as a fluffy-haired, clueless woman. (Tho’, evidently, I don’t have much of an option on the whole!)

* Wondering, in retrospect, whether she meant that Husband dealing with bills etc was ‘Best Way’ or the fact that he was not around was ‘Best Way’!

** Poor Goon, only gets one line in this narrative.

Btw, this tactic would obviously work just as well if one were single and just pretended that Significant Other dealt with the gas/elec/phone/wombat-baiting. However, that would involve lying…which, as we know, is wrong 😉

Gah!

In future, when I go on holiday, I am going to impose a strict limit on all you wibpeople.

No more that two posts per week, please, and nothing that will induce me to comment.

Honestly, how am I supposed to get to bed at a reasonable time otherwise.

Really, it is just so inconsiderate.

What makes Britain great…

…makes South Brent yet greater.

Our convertible did not stay garage-bound, but her top was steadfastly up during most of our hol in Devon last week. Also, our clothes did see some radiator based drying action.

All that aside, we had a fab, realxing time. Not getting up particularly early, not doing anything really strenuous, catching up with a couple of good mates and thier incredibly cute baby and seeing the local sites. Insides of tea-shops, restaurants, pubs, steam trains and a couple of visits to some great attractions – butterfly farm, otter sanctuary and rare breeds farm. Stroked owls, handled a hedgehog and fed lambs at the latter. I do not think I could be much happier! (Apart from when seeing Only Husband hemmed in by his ‘followers’, some hungry ducks after the food in his hand!)

Detour home saw a visit to the Dorset homestead. Had lovely pub lunch with family, including my Mum. She showed flashes of what I would call the ‘real’ Mum, usually in response to something funny. However, most of the time she was ‘shadow’ Mum, a little withdrawn. Managing well practically tho…did well with her meal and the walk to and from the car, started to bring washing in on getting back to the bungalow! I think the time of drastic improvements has passed tho, and I guess we’re in for the long haul from now on.

D pretty happy it seems, which is v good to see. Dad of reduced girth (he mows the not instubstantial lawn these days, which A. Jan reckons is a major contributory factor to his weight loss!). Jan on good form, coming up to her birthday. U. Alan his usual, unreconstructed bugger of a self (part of his charm). Husband has an invite to go out on Alan’s fishing boat with him, anything for another crew member!

Arrived home Sat eve and spent Sun distributing family pressies at this end. Back to work today – interview this coming Thurs, also one Tues week. Eeps!

Btw, not usually being one for the obscure musical reference, I would like to point out that the title and opening sentences of this entry are related to the latest Beautiful South song…which is an act of thier usual acid-tounged genius.

Sulky Steward

Last Sunday, whilst taking the offering, one of our stewards got a little agitated. As the bag was passed backwards, he loudly said ‘Oy!’ in a very annoyed manner due to the fact that it had not been handed to him at the end of the row. Not the correct protocol, see.

Later, whist standing at the front for the offering prayer, he scowled very severely at the young boy who had forgotten to put his money in the bag as he came forward late to do so.

In all fairness, I feel I must point out that the steward in question was only 5 years old!

Oh, alright then…

1. I travel around in the same way as a woodlouse. Let me explain. I learned that woodlice like to balance the amount of left turns they take with the amount of right turns, apparantly. So, if a woodlouse has turned right twice recently and left only once, and is given the opportunity to turn either way, it will go left. I reckon that my ‘louse gene’ is the reason that, on coming out of a shop, I will often go back the way I came without meaning to.

2. I have a ‘rabbit in the headlights’ tendency. As an exception to the common rule that women can multi-task, I can get so focused on something that catches my attention that I block all other things out. Only Husband will tell you of my wont to follow butterflies, how I floated in basically the same place when snorkelling over a tropical reef on honeymoon and the way that an article on TV can transfix me en-route through the lounge. Don’t know why this is, but it has been so as long as I can remember. My family used to call me ‘The Absent Minded Professor.’

3. If I am wearing a coat with pockets, I have to have my purse in the right one, my mobile and keys in the left and the only other allowable item is a pair of gloves. If anything else gets in there, even as simple as a till receipt or sweet wrapper, it must be jettisoned into a bin asap.

4. I am fond of composing pointless poems, sometimes putting them to music.

5. I have an automatic pun reflex. If there is a possibility of taking something in more than one way, I will almost inevitably take the opportunity to deliberately ‘misunderstand’. Can cause hilarity, occasionally confusion and, most often, groans of discomfort.

6. When hanging mugs on a mug tree, they must all face the same way. Husband deliberately placed one the wrong way once, I had to turn it round.

So, there you have it, I am basically vague, anal and weird. Nothing you didn’t already know, really.

I’ve been tagged

Thanks to Only Husband for this one (aka T & E)

Obligatory bit here:

Once you are tagged you MUST write a blog entry about your 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next six people to be tagged and list their names.

Umm, 6 weird things? Nah, can’t think of any. Bye.

New placement

Started my job at the new office today. My usaul tactic at times like this is to go into surveillance mode. I basically play my cards v close to my chest and wait to see what the others at the office are like. But not today.

There was something reassuringly loony about the people at this place. It started with being given a huge hug from the lass who answered the door (we’d had a laugh at a couple of training events) and was all down(up?)hill from there.

The pinnacle (low point?) was being told "You’re weird!" towards then end of the day. This was as a response to my saying that I particularly liked the word ‘paraphinalea’ – can’t see why that is considered strange, it is just a GREAT word! Anyway, people generally come to this conclusion after knowing me for a while, that is if they ever get me to show my hand at all. The fact that someone has discovered this after only knowing me for a day leaves me feeling strangely vulnerable.

Is such openness a good thing? (That is actually a genuine question!)

My name is Earl

Okay you may be forgiven for thinking that it is Dith and, until now, I think it has been.

However, recently, I appear to have been suffering from attacks of Karma. Now this is not in keeping with my general belief system, but the evidence appears to be too compelling to ignore.

Firstly, there was the revenge of the photocopier. When heading for the copier one day, I became aware that a colleague was heading in the same direction. I sped up imperceptibly, okay, I ran into the copier room with the gleeful cry of one gaining the upper hand. Said machine then took great pleasure in eating my document, not once, but repeatedly. Colleague (actually boss – cringe) derived yet more joy from getting his paper copied before mine, as I was engaged in the ancient art of copier wrestling and report unmangling – activities practiced in offices the world over.

The second occurrence of cosmic justice happened today. Much to my surprise, and as a result of my placement boss screwing up the move from one project to another, I had today off. Sorry, I worked from home today – now isn’t that the biggest scam ever?!? Well, in true, hard-working style I used the day to organise my paperwork in readiness for tomorrow…well, eventually. That was after having a luxurious lie in and heading off the Sainsbo’s to do the weekly shop. So, where does Karma come in? It enters the picture in the form of me locking my car keys in my car. D’oh! Around an hour of my precious ‘work’ time wasted waiting for the nice man from the RAC. Will I ever learn…?

Knowing me, probably not!