Alcohol Abuse

Whilst in a local cafe a few months ago, I witnessed a conflict. On the table in front of me were a glass of wine and a can of lager (which I will permit to wear the label "beer" for the purpose of this illustration, as a bitter drinker I would hesitate to do so under normal circusmstances). As I watched, the wine in the glass insulted the beer,

"You are a stupid drink," it sneered, "You think you look so clever, there in your can, but I know you are just an idiotic form of alcohol."

The beer in the can responded to these jibes in the only way it knew.

"Stitch that!" it cried as it head-butted the wine glass (yes, I know a beer can has no head [a good pint will tho] just use your imagination here a little, will you?!).

You may think that the purpose of this illustratiion is a lesson in not mixing grape and grain. Whilst this is good advice, and drinking only a little so as to avoid a throbbing head completely is even better, it is not my primary purpose. My intention is to prove once again that the Bibles words are true. In the words of Proverbs 20 v 1a – "Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler."

May this thought enlighten your mind and brighten your day.

8 thoughts on “Alcohol Abuse

  1. I recently decided to take a break from Coke and bought a bottle of Ribena. Now the thing about Ribena is that, officially and financially speaking, it requires dilution. But there is a problem with this: the local water is vile. So I had to find an alternative source of dilution. I have to report that the following solvents are possibilities:

    Nothing

    Water

    Coke

    Beer

    Wine

    Coffee

    I never got round to testing the fermented product supplemented with hops, and I have decided to assume that the caffeinated options are non-starters for palato-sensory reasons. But all others were tried successfully.

    So don’t read the label. Dilution is not necessary.

    So I have to ask: had these drinks been taken to brawl because they had been used for the dilution of fruit juices? I just wonder how they managed to twist themselves away from their traditional roles in the still life department.

    And can we have a Coke vs Pepsi illustration at some point? I think that would be appropriate.

  2. Oops… I forgot… I also tried to dilute the ribena with ribena. And there were two water categories: local tap water and safe bottled water.

  3. I just wondered – when you describe yourself as a bitter drinker, do you mean a bitter person who drinks, or a person who drinks bitter?

  4. Strictly a head-butt is a butt aimed at the head, so the question should be whether the wine glass had a head. Normally wine doesn’t.

    Of course, if it was bitter rather than lager, then you would expect some head, and it may be observed that bitterness often breeds violence.

    I’m a pedant when it comes to thuggery.

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